GRANT PARK—Paralyzed by the ghastly sight before them, attendees of an evening barbecue party watched in horror as a s’more burst into flames right before their eyes. “It was all so quick,” described Joey Ma, a witness at the scene. … Continue reading S’more Catches Fire
In a continuation of their reinterpretations of the Honor Code, the Office of Student Affairs announced early this morning that “stale memes” now constitute an Honor Code violation, leading some to wonder about the future of “dank memes” on campus … Continue reading “Stale Memes” Added to List of Honor Code Violations
BY JAMES SILVA Last Tuesday, the Office of the Registrar announced that the servers used for registration will be moved to the cloud by means of several thousand industrial-strength balloons. Acknowledging the “issues” which have plagued the registration process in … Continue reading IMSS Moves Registration to the Cloud
Greetings, [adjective] reader! This is the re-inaugural [noun] of The [well-known publication], the [adjective] publication of the [adjective] California Institute of [noun]. Herein you will [verb] only the most [adjective], [adjective], and [adjective] news regarding Our Fine [noun]. The [same well-known publication] covers everything from [important noun] to [another important noun], as well as the many, many things in between and beyond. If you would like to [verb], please [verb] the Editors at firstname.lastname@example.org. We seek [adjective] writers with [adjective] taste and an appreciation for the [noun]. Continue reading [Noun] from the Editors
A new year, a new class of frosh… and a new Torch. We’ve had a blast running the Torch – while we haven’t always been the most frequent or consistent posters, it’s been a fun place to blow off steam … Continue reading So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish
Also considered: blood, sweat The California Institute of Technology has announced early this morning that the Millikan Pond, emptied due to the harsh Californian drought, will be gleaming once more within the next month, but this time with liquids from … Continue reading Millikan Pond to Be Refilled with Student Tears
After a not-so-brief hiatus for Rotation, The California Torch is back. While Caltech as a whole could always use more satire, we felt that Rotation is already a crazy enough time, and we wanted to make sure this period was … Continue reading We’re Back!
Greetings, fine reader! This is the inaugural post of The California Torch, the finest publication of the illustrious California Institute of Technology. Herein you will find only the most reliable, accurate, and up-to-date news regarding Our Fine Institute. The Torch covers everything from Student Life to Important Matters, as well as the many, many things in between and beyond. If you would like to contribute, please contact the Editors at email@example.com. We seek skilled writers with impeccable taste and an appreciation for the absurd. Continue reading Letter from the Editors