Pasadena, CA — No longer content with monatomic gases, Caltech Vice President of Student Affairs Joe Shepherd has moved on to studying undergraduate students subjected to extreme pressures in a rapidly changing environment. Caltech undergraduates are a fascinating material for … Continue reading Caltech Explosions Expert Still Not Wrong
Pasadena, CA — If you haven’t heard of “Calphabet,” worry not: neither had the approximately 11,000 members of the California Institute of Technology community, best known as Caltech, until today. Caltech has announced a corporate restructuring, forming an umbrella institution, … Continue reading Caltech Forming New Parent Company: Calphabet
Pasadena, CA – This weekend, the beloved California Torch celebrates its 250th anniversary. Founded by Abraham Starbuck Parnassus on October 23rd, 1768, The California Torch has continued to provide only the finest, curated news for readers with a distinguishing eye … Continue reading The California Torch Celebrates 250th Anniversary!
Pasadena, CA – In a remarkable display of self-deception, senior Laura Adams is desperately trying to corral her work ethic for a final term, and she hasn’t given up hope yet. “Everyday, I get out of bed, sit at my … Continue reading Senior Still Hoping Admirable Work Ethic Will Materialize
Maybe if it hits me, I won’t have to go to class. Just do it, Mrs. JPL Shuttle Lady, I don’t want to go to week six of philosophy on this rainy winter night. It’s dark out. I’m supposed to … Continue reading You Know, If The JPL Shuttle Hits You, You Don’t Have to Go to Your Power Hum
Junior Ryan Du has finally completed his Freshman 15, and he couldn’t be happier! “All this time, I was wondering, ‘is Caltech really for me?’, or ‘is it impossible to do?’” said Du of his accomplishment. “I guess it was … Continue reading Heartwarming!😍 Junior Completes His Freshman 15!
Pasadena, CA – A deadly snark attack occurred off the California coast (specifically, in the inland direction) this Monday, killing one Caltech junior and grievously injuring another. The deceased student is Qiuqiu Wang, 21. The surviving student, who is yet … Continue reading BREAKING: DEADLY SNARK ATTACK OFF CALIFORNIA COAST
Today, in an about-face, the Institute admitted to a close confidante that it had failed to correct the misspelling of its name for a hundred years. “It doesn’t really matter to me, but I thought I should correct it eventually,” … Continue reading “Actually, it’s spelled ‘Cal Tech’,” Institute Admits
Herein are encoded the most dishonorable actions at Caltech. Luckily, no one has gotten expelled for these… yet. (We think.) Avoid attending class, as much as possible Do the minimum to pass, even though you’re taking it on grades Spend … Continue reading Introducing: the Caltech Dishonor Code
On Tuesday, administration confirmed that two members of Avery’s freshman class of 2020 are in fact Pasadena City College students. Both freshmen have been attending classes, making friends, and living in Avery House since September of 2016. The mishap was … Continue reading 2 “Avery Freshmen” Found to be Confused PCC Students