Pasadena, CA – In a remarkable display of self-deception, senior Laura Adams is desperately trying to corral her work ethic for a final term, and she hasn’t given up hope yet. “Everyday, I get out of bed, sit at my desk, and somehow the hand of God forces me to open Reddit, then Facebook, then Reddit again. One day, he will bless me with the bountiful charms of admirable work ethic – the kind of work ethic that will make everyone else in my hall jealous.”

Despite procrastinating for three and a half years straight, Adams fervently believes that things will change for the better this term. On Sunday evening, she shared her plans with The Torch: “I’ve set my alarm for 7:00 AM. I’m going to get up every morning, and work for five, six hours, even on the weekend. Then, I’m going to go for a run, at least two miles. After that, I’m going to work on this open source repository for a machine learning concept that I started in high school, but didn’t get the chance to work on for the last three years. Then, after a couple of months, I’ll be right back on track!”

What has motivated this ambitious plan? Adams says, “I’ve always admired that girl down the hall. She says she didn’t get anything below an A until junior year, whereas I got my first A, once. She says that she gets up really early and works every day, so I’m going to do that, too. I just have to discipline myself into it, first thing tomorrow morning.”

Her alley-mates are a little less confident. “Laura has been ‘committing to a better Laura’ since my frosh year, but I don’t see it happening. Also, don’t people usually get less hardworking as seniors?” one junior noted.

Adams, nonetheless, is maintaining a positive attitude. “To achieve the best, you must handle the worst, and I am the worst. I really thought I would be better by now, but I haven’t given up hope, and that’s what matters. Right?”