In preparation for intake of new CS majors from this year’s freshman class, the CMS Department has announced a Russian roulette event to trim the existing crop of CS majors.
The Russian roulette program, officially a stopgap measure, is set to repeat annually as needed until an alternative solution is found. However, some snags have already cropped up in its implementation, as administrators face the difficulty of making the firing process sufficiently random and also ensuring that the program will eventually terminate some years into the future. For now, organizers have assured us at the Torch that proper safety measures will be taken. “We’re as concerned about student welfare as anyone—we’ll ensure that the bullets are properly sanitized before loading to reduce the likelihood of misfiring incidents,” described one coordinator.
True to the persevering spirit of the Caltech student, undergraduates are already starting to gear up. “I did some research into collision avoidance, but it turns out it wouldn’t really work for this particular network,” said one student, who declined to be named in fear of being eliminated early from the competition. “I expect most of us will end up using some form of nearest-neighbor strategy, where you just dive behind the person closest to you.”
The overwhelming number of CS majors relative to the size of the general undergraduate population has been a significant strain on Department resources for years, and the new event comes as a welcome relief to many, temporary though it may be. “We were really running up to our limits here,” said Professor Avanti Myers. “I’m sure we trample all over the fire safety code with how many people we cram in Annenberg 105 for CS2. For the first lecture, at least.”
Others are skeptical about the prospects of a permanent solution to the issue, pointing out the futility of previous attempts at solving the problem. “We’ve already tried making the curriculum so theoretical only a math major could love it,” pointed out lecturer Katie Horton. “Hell, the CS1 exam gets longer every year and there’s always at least one crazy frosh who finishes the thing!”
The Russian roulette event is tentatively scheduled for April 16th, after freshmen formally declare their options.