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Month: January 2018

OpinionLeave a comment

You Know, If The JPL Shuttle Hits You, You Don’t Have to Go to Your Power Hum

January 31, 2018May 6, 2019 Mars Twain

Maybe if it hits me, I won’t have to go to class. Just do it, Mrs. JPL Shuttle Lady, I don’t want to go to week six of philosophy on this rainy winter night. It’s dark out. I’m supposed to … Continue reading You Know, If The JPL Shuttle Hits You, You Don’t Have to Go to Your Power Hum

NewsLeave a comment

Physics Major Admits to Torturing Integrals

January 24, 2018January 21, 2018 Sue Yu

After what was apparently a grueling series of sets, junior Emily Kusnetzov publicly broke down at Chouse last night, launching into an unprompted confession about her participation in long-term institutional abuse of mathematical concepts such as calculus. “It was only … Continue reading Physics Major Admits to Torturing Integrals

BuzzworthyLeave a comment

Heartwarming!😍 Junior Completes His Freshman 15!

January 21, 2018May 6, 2019 Mars Twain

Junior Ryan Du has finally completed his Freshman 15, and he couldn’t be happier! “All this time, I was wondering, ‘is Caltech really for me?’, or ‘is it impossible to do?’” said Du of his accomplishment. “I guess it was … Continue reading Heartwarming!😍 Junior Completes His Freshman 15!

NewsLeave a comment

New Russian Roulette Program to Trim CS Class Size

January 16, 2018January 16, 2018 Sue Yu

In preparation for intake of new CS majors from this year’s freshman class, the CMS Department has announced a Russian roulette event to trim the existing crop of CS majors. The Russian roulette program, officially a stopgap measure, is set … Continue reading New Russian Roulette Program to Trim CS Class Size

NewsLeave a comment

Ma0 Gains Optional Sister Class – E0

January 15, 2018January 14, 2018 californiatorch

BY ENDER O. PI After a survey at Caltech found over 55% of undergrads felt their weakest quality was “social skills,” the Caltech administration has decided to add a new course on “basic social skills, small talk, and effective language … Continue reading Ma0 Gains Optional Sister Class – E0

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