Maybe if it hits me, I won’t have to go to class. Just do it, Mrs. JPL Shuttle Lady, I don’t want to go to week six of philosophy on this rainy winter night. It’s dark out. I’m supposed to … Continue reading You Know, If The JPL Shuttle Hits You, You Don’t Have to Go to Your Power Hum
After what was apparently a grueling series of sets, junior Emily Kusnetzov publicly broke down at Chouse last night, launching into an unprompted confession about her participation in long-term institutional abuse of mathematical concepts such as calculus. “It was only … Continue reading Physics Major Admits to Torturing Integrals
Junior Ryan Du has finally completed his Freshman 15, and he couldn’t be happier! “All this time, I was wondering, ‘is Caltech really for me?’, or ‘is it impossible to do?’” said Du of his accomplishment. “I guess it was … Continue reading Heartwarming!😍 Junior Completes His Freshman 15!
In preparation for intake of new CS majors from this year’s freshman class, the CMS Department has announced a Russian roulette event to trim the existing crop of CS majors. The Russian roulette program, officially a stopgap measure, is set … Continue reading New Russian Roulette Program to Trim CS Class Size
BY ENDER O. PI After a survey at Caltech found over 55% of undergrads felt their weakest quality was “social skills,” the Caltech administration has decided to add a new course on “basic social skills, small talk, and effective language … Continue reading Ma0 Gains Optional Sister Class – E0
The California Torch 