BREAKING: DEADLY SNARK ATTACK OFF CALIFORNIA COAST

Pasadena, CA – A deadly snark attack occurred off the California coast (specifically, in the inland direction) this Monday, killing one Caltech junior and grievously injuring another. The deceased student is Qiuqiu Wang, 21. The surviving student, who is yet unnamed, suffered a “life-threatening trauma”, but is “expected to recover”, according to an inside source.

The incident occurred during an unknown lab class, around 9:05 on Tuesday morning. According to a witness student, Ms. Wang mistakenly referred to the class’s instructor as a “Mr.” rather than “Dr.” The snide response from the instructor “completely obliterated” Ms. Wang, and seriously injured the student behind her. The specific content of the instructor’s reply will likely not be revealed, as the only known person to hear it is Ms. Wang.

It was totally unexpected… I mean, like, absolutely no one expected it, it just came out of nowhere. There was blood everywhere. – Junior Patricia Liu

I’m really scared to go back to class, anyone could make that mistake. – Anonymous

There was no warning, and then all the sudden there was a huge noise, like an explosion, and everybody was screaming and running out of the classroom. – Anonymous

President Rosenbaum is expected to release a letter on Saturday detailing the situation and providing resources. The Torch will also provide updates, as available.

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Above: the funeral for Ms. Wang, held early this morning.

Ms. Wang, a promising computer science major of the class of 2019, will be remembered for her work with the Caltech Y, as well as her widely-shared SURF project on the history of extra-legal activities at Caltech. Her funeral was held early this morning at Pasadena Cemetery. A remembrance will be held on Beckman lawn this Saturday at 7:00 PM.

For students affected by this incident, the Caltech Counseling Center is open from 8:00 AM to 5:00 PM, Monday through Friday. Contact Counseling Services at (626) 395-8331 or stop by the front office (room 140) to schedule an appointment.

 

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