BY KUOTHE THE RAVEN
Welcome to a new year at Caltech, and to a new year at The Torch! As summer draws itself to a hasty close, assuming it ever began in the first place, we’d like to provide a couple of reminders and clarifications on rotation rules.
- Excessive rotation is prohibited.
Rotation is ten days. Do not rotate your assigned prefrosh for fewer than ten days; do not rotate them for more than ten days. Do not rotate your prefrosh too slowly or too quickly. Rotate them just the right amount. Excessive rotation has been correlated with a higher chance of vomiting. Too little rotation results in a poor rotation experience.
- Prefrosh are not to be provided with substances.
This includes alcohol, as well as any federally banned substance or drug, including significant amounts of carbon dioxide. Additionally, starting this year, prefrosh will no longer be allowed open-kitchen coffee and are to be restricted to water. Please collaborate to ensure that all prefrosh are provided with precisely 78% nitrogen and 21% oxygen. Any significant deviation will result in a rotation violation, as well as the possible death of the prefrosh unit.
- Discuss only your own house with the prefrosh.
Please refrain from mentioning other houses. There are no other houses. There is only Your House (or Hovse). The House system at Caltech is a great, longstanding tradition of One House that promotes collaboration, intellectual development, and integrity. The Eight Houses are an urban legend. There is one House. Your House. The Caltech House.
- Chouse is not a House: do not refer to it as such.
There were multiple violations of this rule last year; it seems our great community must be reminded of this important rule. In order to best represent Caltech to the prefrosh units and avoid any confusion, please pronounce Chouse with a silent ‘h’. Say it with me: Couse. C-ouse. Coououououse.
- Discussion of turtles is strictly prohibited.
As we all recall, last year’s loss of an over-enthusiastic prefrosh unit to the resident carnivorous turtles cast a dark shadow over the rest of the year. Administration begs you to help prevent this tragedy from reoccurring by ignoring the presence of the predators on campus, and teaching your prefrosh to do the same. There Are No Turtles Here (TANTH).
- Do not attempt replace prefrosh batteries on your own.
If your prefrosh runs out of power, please submit a Fixit request and wait three days, four days, five days, check to make sure you actually submitted it, then wait at least four more days before giving up hope on any help ever arriving and just doing it yourself.
- If your prefrosh exhibits signs of distress, remind them that Caltech Cares.
And direct them to the appropriate resources which will direct them to the appropriate resources which will direct them to the appropriate resources which will direct them to the appropriate resources which will direct them to the appropriate resources which will direct them to the appropriate resources which will.
- Don’t date the prefrosh.
Possible responses if you’ve been asked:
- Yell the name of someone who “graduated” and ask them what the date is.
- Give them the day of week instead.
- You’re a frosh. All your friends are frosh. There are no seniors here. “When I was a frosh…” Please, frosh, you’re still a frosh.
- Beware of trick questions! An appropriate response to, “What year will you graduate?” is “In a couple of years.”
- Carbon dating the prefrosh units is explicitly prohibited by IHC law.
Most importantly – have fun! Remember, rotation is a stressful time for everyone. Instead of taking your frustration out on everyone you know, spin something instead! Rotate, rotate, rotate!
This article was supported by a research grant from the IntraHouse Council.