Introducing: the Caltech Dishonor Code

Herein are encoded the most dishonorable actions at Caltech. Luckily, no one has gotten expelled for these… yet. (We think.)

  • Avoid attending class, as much as possible
  • Do the minimum to pass, even though you’re taking it on grades
  • Spend all your Dbal at C-store or Chouse within the first half of term
  • Use all your extensions in the first half of term, then freak the fuck out
  • Only go outside at nighttime, avoiding the beautiful weather at all costs
  • Turn your sets in thirty seconds before they’re due, every time (unless, of course, you’re turning them in late without an extension)
  • Make procrastination an art form: everybody thinks you’re really busy, but you don’t actually do anything
  • Waste 4+ hours a day on social media or gaming
  • Commit to waking up at 8 AM for lab or PE, then drop the class as soon as you realize you cannot discipline yourself into it
  • Go to class exactly once, and then never again, especially if the professor is good or likes you
  • Don’t do the reading for your Hums, ever. (You can BS it, the professor will definitely not notice!)
  • Never say thank you to or even acknowledge the CDS or housing staff
  • Guilting TAs into helping you outside of office hours, especially if the TAs are undergraduates
  • Compete to get into a desirable limited-seating course, then drop it after add day, so no one else can take your spot
  • Show up to events, eat the food, and immediately leave (bonus if you weren’t invited)
  • Drop your pizza course the day before you might have to do anything besides sit and eat
  • Convince yourself “next term will be better” but don’t take any steps to make sure it is (AKA: The Techer’s Fallacy)
  • Learn how to find the snooze button without turning on the lights or opening your eyes
  • Decide not to go to graduate school because you can’t be bothered into raising your grades
  • Borrow CDS dishes & never return them
  • Take all your core classes senior year (bonus for senior-year 3rd term Ch3a)

The California Torch is soliciting suggestions to expand & improve this list.

4 thoughts on “Introducing: the Caltech Dishonor Code

  1. Only sleep on weekends
    Only go to the first ten minutes of an interhouse and complain that the party is dead and that there is no one there

    Like

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