Herein are encoded the most dishonorable actions at Caltech. Luckily, no one has gotten expelled for these… yet. (We think.)

• Avoid attending class, as much as possible
• Do the minimum to pass, even though you’re taking it on grades
• Spend all your Dbal at C-store or Chouse within the first half of term
• Use all your extensions in the first half of term, then freak the fuck out
• Only go outside at nighttime, avoiding the beautiful weather at all costs
• Turn your sets in thirty seconds before they’re due, every time (unless, of course, you’re turning them in late without an extension)
• Make procrastination an art form: everybody thinks you’re really busy, but you don’t actually do anything
• Waste 4+ hours a day on social media or gaming
• Commit to waking up at 8 AM for lab or PE, then drop the class as soon as you realize you cannot discipline yourself into it
• Go to class exactly once, and then never again, especially if the professor is good or likes you
• Don’t do the reading for your Hums, ever. (You can BS it, the professor will definitely not notice!)
• Never say thank you to or even acknowledge the CDS or housing staff
• Guilting TAs into helping you outside of office hours, especially if the TAs are undergraduates
• Compete to get into a desirable limited-seating course, then drop it after add day, so no one else can take your spot
• Show up to events, eat the food, and immediately leave (bonus if you weren’t invited)
• Drop your pizza course the day before you might have to do anything besides sit and eat
• Convince yourself “next term will be better” but don’t take any steps to make sure it is (AKA: The Techer’s Fallacy)
• Learn how to find the snooze button without turning on the lights or opening your eyes
• Decide not to go to graduate school because you can’t be bothered into raising your grades
• Borrow CDS dishes & never return them
• Take all your core classes senior year (bonus for senior-year 3rd term Ch3a)

The California Torch is soliciting suggestions to expand & improve this list.