Federal Emergency Declared over State of Blacker Courtyard

The California Torch received reports this morning that Federal Emergency crews are gearing up to respond to the tragic disaster that is Blacker courtyard.

Several have been injured and at least one rumored dead after the recent surge in courtyard hazards. Last Wednesday, Caltech housing recognized the courtyard situation as “a complete disaster”, and now FEMA workers are already on the scene.

“I don’t want a repeat of last time”, said the Housing office’s official spokesman. “Our Administration was ridiculed for failing to respond in time to the real dangers that affect Caltech. That is why we are stepping in fast and strong here.”

Cleanup crews have been working around the clock to clean up after this disaster. Stay tuned as the Torch follows the damage that this disaster takes on our Institute.

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