After last term’s participation rate plummeted to 97%, a group of professors in the Humanities and Social Sciences Division have announced a new mission to spread the gospel of the Caltech Cohort Study to incoming freshman. “For Caltech so loved … Continue reading Caltech Cohort Study to Spread Gospel Door-to-Door
Dammit. Another year, another failure. Caltech still can’t get it right. Princeton gets #1, but not us? Those slimy east-coast know-it-alls sure are giving us a run for our money. We’ve really let it slip this time. I mean, just look at this graph. This defeat, it hurts. I’m not even sure what school this is that I matriculated to anymore. Like many Caltech undergraduates, I decided to attend Caltech because it was once ranked first by the Times Higher Education. Now that we’ve lost that, who even cares about our top-notch research and focus on the sciences? Every school … Continue reading Opinion: Caltech Ranked #2 by Princeton Review. When Did We Start Sucking so Badly?
In response to complaints that the Interhouse Committee (IHC) is “a waste of time” and “unable and unwilling to pursue long-term policy goals,” the IHC chair defended the committee during a press conference this afternoon. Catherine Jamshidi, IHC Chair and ASCIT … Continue reading IHC Chair Defends Lack of Progress, Cites Nine-Month-Long Transition Period
Recent reports from security shocked the Caltech community today after several undergrads were allegedly found sleeping on public couches, benches, and hammocks. The administration urges students to keep calm, but not too calm, since that would increase the risk of … Continue reading Sleeping Undergrads Terrorize School
In light of growing enrollment in Caltech’s undergraduate computer science option, the Officers of the Faculty voted yesterday to rename the Institute to the California Institute of Computer Science and also Some Other Things. In his announcement to the Institute, … Continue reading Institute to Become the “California Institute of Computer Science and also Some Other Things”
Caltech President Thomas “Tom the Bomb” F. Rosenbaum awarded the prestigious Caltech Medal of Honor to one of the Institute’s broken sprinklers last Friday evening. Last Wednesday, the sprinkler played a crucial role in the apprehension of an audacious bike … Continue reading Broken Caltech Sprinkler Given Medal of Honor
Over two years after being removed for “health code violations,” the Caltech Chouse Fryer is getting the recognition many believe it deserves. An institution on the Caltech campus for years, the Fryer fed the multitude of students kept up late … Continue reading Chouse Fryer Memorial Plaque to be Dedicated
Greetings, fine reader! This is the inaugural post of The California Torch, the finest publication of the illustrious California Institute of Technology. Herein you will find only the most reliable, accurate, and up-to-date news regarding Our Fine Institute. The Torch covers everything from Student Life to Important Matters, as well as the many, many things in between and beyond. If you would like to contribute, please contact the Editors at firstname.lastname@example.org. We seek skilled writers with impeccable taste and an appreciation for the absurd. Continue reading Letter from the Editors